Lost

Everything else fades
Turned into memories I don't want to remember
Everything changed
But my love for you stays
And I wonder why
Why am I still hurting?
I thought I moved on
Didn't I?



I don't want it, but I want it too
What is it that I want?
Going back to you means more pain
Everytime you leave, my heart breaks



Letting you go also hurts
But I know its what I should do
Still, why is it so hard to walk away from you?



The fact is, I want you, but I don't want you too.
So what do I do?



So many times I wanna run straight back into your arms
But I keep reminding myself
That you'll only cause more pain
So bear with it now
For time would heal
Wouldn't it?
Cause now it seems like the wounds won't heal



My friends tell me I deserve better
I deserve someone who loves me much more
Someone who won't just walk away



Oh why did you walk away?
Why did you throw away your very last chance?
Why did break your promise I held so closely to myself?
Didn't you know I was serious,
When I said I won't tolerate you doing this AGAIN?



But when you came back
With a simple sorry
It hurts me even more
To say I can't do it anymore
Because I love u dearly
I miss everything that used to be
I want you, but I don't want you too



This is how it feels like
To turn down the one you love
You probably didn't think it hurts
But it kills me inside
Until today I still feel it.



But...
How many times did you have to walk out on me?
How many times do you wanna break me?



Cause now,
I would have to pick up the broken pieces
And fix it back together
One piece at a time.



The tears would stop eventually
The pain will fade as well the love
By then, you won't have any control over me
No more.

Environmental Management Field Trip

Just a short one

Went for this field trip about 2 weeks back if i'm not mistaken.

Special thanks to Steven for the gorgeous pics =)

First went to Kelana Jaya Lake to catch fish and insects using the nets.

Thats Dr Kathy, our env lecturer =)

The lake was soooo polluted.. typical i guess..

Eddy trying to fish something.

Then went to Gombak Forest, hiked down to the river. The water was cool and refreshing =)

Eunice was 'lucky' to be the only one who got a leech attached to her xD Just love her reaction.

And she got stuck in the river cos the current was alil too strong for her. Then a frog kinda jumped in her direction when she was trying to balance herself xD It was hilarious..

Wheee, that's us =]

Managed to catch some weird bugs that live in the river:

After the whole trip I drove Eddy and Jolyn to 1U.

On the way back I got lost.

But found my way back after a few rounds x)

Lotsa love,

=)

Walk away

Love doesn't walk away, people do

Smile...

Feeling kinda happy now, I'm not sure why.
Its been awhile since i last feel this relieved and calm.
Maybe its because of the smses I received, from beloved friends.
And all the time I taken off to be alone.
And most importantly, the love and assurance God provided me
Made me strong enough to face each day

Thinking back to the times you were there

I realised

That you were always there

Whether I'm at my happiest, or at my worst

You never seem tired of me

Never gave up on me

And I wonder why

I deserve a friend like you

A friendship so rare,

So precious, like diamonds

But to me,

You're worth more than that

Cause a friendship like ours

Is priceless

And everlasting I pray.

Yeap S.W, this is for you.

And to another friend

My bestfriend since college

Its been only a year plus

But I know I found my best friend

After years of wondering

Why others never seem to completely know me

The way you do.

Through busy schedules

You squeeze in time for me

No matter how tired you are

Its always others first

And yourself last

And once again

I wonder

What you see in me as a friend

Cause when i look at myself

I see nothing special

While you're way better

In everyway.

Pretty sure you know who you are

Yeah, I love you too.

Still have a few more friends to go.

But I'll save that for later.

Cause I prefer shorter but sweet posts.

I'm off to finish my biotech essay. Got so much work to do!

Thank you Dear Lord, for everything I don't deserve.

=]

1st Week of Uni [second sem] =)

Candid shot of me

Gotta admit there were alot of emoing during this whole week, but still, the happy moments were also present =]

Let me go through each day briefly. For my own reference =]

Monday;
First day of the 2nd sem!! Woke up early, made sure i have breakfast AND coffee x) Haven't been sleeping and eating well lately, but i'm coping.

Oh ya. Jeremy, Charles, Huey Lin and I (plus a few others) attended prayer meeting at 7.15am near the green house. Kinda refreshing =)

And here's the list of subjects i'm taking, ranked from 1 to 4 [1 for my fav] =P

Environmental management [1]
Biology [2]
Chemistry [3]
Biotechnology [4]

First day was alright. Though I somehow felt i needed some time alone.

Tuesday;
Classes ended early, so we went sunway piramid to celebrate Charles's birthday in advance =]



Ate at Zan mai i think x) its some japanese restaurant.



Jeremy caught a fly with a tissue x) Then Charles started experimenting his photography skills with the fly!


Then went for karaoke =)


The funniest part was when the guys were trying to sing 'poker face' by Lady Gaga xD
But otherwise, it was fun, and rather emoing i must say, judging by the number of emo songs we sang.

Wednesday;

The most emo day would be today. I have no idea why, but i think its because i'm so tired of faking smiles and pretending i'm happy. I am happy at times, but i need alot of time. And people who understands that i rather stay quiet at times. I'm really sorry. I just need time to recover.

I remember answering a friend's question (i forgot what the question is) I told her that i get lonely at times as well. She was shocked I told her that, and she said, " What?? You also get lonely mer? But you're always around friends and you seem so happy"

There's nothing wrong thinking that way. My point is that being around alot of friends doesn't make you less lonely. In fact, to me, the more friends I have, the lonelier I get, the more smiles I have to fake, the more tired of life i get. What's wrong with me?? I feel so fake. So much pretending that I don't even know myself anymore.

But I let it all out that night.

Thursday;

Felt much much better today after last night. Went to uni with a genuine smile =) heee.

But before leaving house today, I got chased by a huge (larger than the size of my hand) moth! I was terrified till I couldn't leave house cos it was standing at my doorway! lol, And i was wondering if I should call jeremy up to chase it away or i'l just have to skip classes cos I'm really really afraid of it. And I hope I didnt wake my neighbours cos i was screaming when it flew towards me, lol =P

Suppose to meet Seng wai since monday till now, didn't manage to because my friends decided to drive to ss15 (near Taylors) for pork balls noodles that takes 30 mins to arrive due to its popularity x)
Had to split into 2 tables cos the group was too big. Overall it was an awesome day, had so much fun =)

Went back for Biotech tutorial. Eddy embarrassed me when he said my name out loud when he saw a picture of a kitten in the video we were watching for biotech. Not to mention it was in a lecture hall where everybody was quiet. Just because I was playing with a stray kitten during lunch x) I was praying the lecturer didn't hear him. He did that again during environmental management lecture -.-

Then after class Evie drove me to Tropicana Mall. We both watched the latest Harry Potter movie! It was super cool, and i loved it.. especially since they were quite a few cute guys in the movie x) Haha, and Evie and I managed to hide my ice cream (coned) in my bag while entering for the movie, lol!

Friday;

Hmm, today was ok. Not too happy, not too emo in uni. Though at home its mostly emoing. By the end of this week my 'homework' list is piling up like crazy! Its driving me nuts and i'm getting nervous.

Tomorrow; [saturday]

lol. Today havent happened yet. But a quick overview of what we're gonna do.

I would be driving Jeremy to Eddy's place, then we'll take a bus to Petaling Street, where we'll meet Jolyn and Chia May =)

Haha, MY FIRST TIME driving a friend ALONE without my parents by my side!!! =D I'm so excited!! Don't worry, I already warned Jeremy that I tend to day dream while driving x)

So yea, for my record,

First outsider I drove with parents around - sis's boyfriend
First Friend I'l be driving without parents around - Jeremy Ng!
=D

I thank God for this week. For all the pain and joy I went through, I know it''ll be put to good use in the future.

With much love,
Yie-Ern

Breathe

Taylor Swift feat. Colbie Caillat

I see your face in my mind as I drive away,

Cause no one of us thought it was gonna end that way.

People are people and sometimes we change our minds.

But it’s killing me to see you go after all this time.

Music starts playin’ like the end of a sad movie,

It’s the kinda ending you don’t really wanna see.

Cause it’s tragedy and it’ll only bring you down,

Now I don’t know what to be without you around.

And we know it’s never simple never easy.

Never a clean break, no one here to save me.

You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,

And I can’t,

Breathe, without you,

But I have to,

Breathe, without you,

But I have to.

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.

Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.

But people are people,

And sometimes it doesn’t work out,

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

And we know it’s never simple,Never easy.

Never a clean break, no one here to save me.

You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,

And I can’t,

Breathe, without you,

But I have to,

Breathe, without you,

But I have to.

It’s two a.m.

Feelin’ like I just lost a friend.

Hope you know it’s not easy,

Easy for me.

It’s two a.m.

Feelin’ like I just lost a friend.

Hope you know this ain’t easy,

Easy for me.
And we know it’s never simple, never easy.

Never a clean break, no one here to save me.

Ohhh

Sorry (oh) Sorry (mmm)

Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)

Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)

Sorry

Just can't sleep..

Its 2 + am, and I still can't sleep. Just too many thoughts swirling in my head. I'm off.

From within

I'm not mad anymore, just upset.

The silence does not mean love has faded,

Neither does it mean I don't miss you,

Cause I would be for a long, long time.

The memories remains,
I can't help but to smile whenever I am reminded of it,
No matter how much it hurts to think of it.

Thank you for the times you made me smile,
And for making me feel like I was special,
Cause I do appreciate it all.

Forgive me for the wrong that I've done,
The pain I put you through,
And know that I never meant to.

For all the happiness you brought into my life,
The comfort you provided,
And being the company I needed,
I pray I brought all these into your life as well,
Because I never want to see u walk away thinking I'm a complete waste of time,
You may go, but bring the memories with you,

And I will keep mine.

I found my peace,
Through forgiveness.

Thoughts

Why do I believe, that miracles come true for the people I pray for,
But doubt prayers for my own.

Why do I care so much,

When it hurts in the end.

Why do I worry about you,

When you don't even appreaciate me.

Why do I wish you're happy,

When I hide all my pain behind a mask.

Why do I hurt so much,

When there's no point in grieving.

Why? I keep asking myself.

But I know I would never get answers.

Not until I believe God can make miracles in my life.

And not only in other's.

And I wonder,

Why some friends,

Never seem to give up on me,

Always there to pick me up,

Even when i refuse to listen.

Why?

Maybe its because of something called LOVE?

12th July 09

Some people come into our lives, leave footprints, and we are never the same.

But you left me scars for life,

Memories I wish I could erase,

And all the trust I place in you,

That I regret most.

Was I so blind?

To not see all these?

Behind those sweet words I love to hear,

Are all lies,

Made to destroy me inside out,

Everything just a big fat lie,

I wish I was never that stupid,

To believe what you said,

For they only bring tears in the end.

I gave my best,

Poured out my heart,

Trusted you to not break it,

And all i get,

Are scars and wounds,

That feels like it can never heal.

Of everything in life that I did,

The one I regretted most,

The one that I hated myself for doing so,

The one that breaks my heart into a million pieces,

Is loving you,

With all my heart.

There goes me and you,

For it can never be the same,

Ever.

GOD help me please.. For this is all I can take.